I'm a hopeless romantic. I admit. I am. I'm extremely romantic at heart. I have no idea why but I was probably made that way. :) At 4am in the morning, just as I was about to close my eyes to visit dream land. A thought came to my mind when I heard the soft music played through my iPad. I was touched by the song. My heart felt it so deeply inside. I haven't felt this way since him.
It was about 9 months ago when I called it off with my boyfriend at the time. I guess you could say I still miss him in a way, although what he did was unforgivable. I can't help but go back to the time when he was still mine. I guess I loved him more than he loved me. Maybe that's why I had such a difficult time letting go. I couldn't let go, even after we broke up. I didn't know how to do it. All I did was run away. I ran away from the feelings I still had for him. That was probably the best three months I had with him. I still remember the little things he did for me. Every one of them. The desire to run back into his arms were overwhelming in the beginning and gradually I became better at ignoring those feelings. There was this time I fell ill, he played nurse and took care of me. Another when I had found out I failed my test. I was devastated. He lent me his shoulder to cry on and hugged me without saying anything just through his actions I could feel it, his presence comforting me through my worse fears assuring me that it would be alright, the sun will still shine. I still remembered he wiped my tears and kissed me gently. Letting me know that through thick or thin he would be there for me.
He was my best friend, my confidante, my everything. My world was intruded by him. My world became brighter and happier thanks to him. I was on cloud 9, everything was everything that I wanted. I was unbelievably happy. Nothing could dampen my spirits, it really seemed that I was high all the time. :) I met his friends, I spent time with him. All the time spent turned into treasured memories. Then came the time, I had prom and he brought me to it as my date. I was so excited. ^.^ That was the first time I had a date to prom. He looked handsome and dashing. That night was wonderful, and we danced although he was really tall even in heels I only reached his shoulder. -.- But I would never forget staring into those beautiful eyes. I got lost in them. Mesmerised so deeply by the depths there. :) I shared many of my first times with him. My first kiss, my first dance, my first love. Those were some of the happy memories.
Then came the sour part of our relationship. He did one of the most despicable things one could do to one's other half. He started to ignore me, chat less. He went out more with others. Gone to play. Drink till drunk. Worse was the chatting with another girl and allowin her to call him endearments and vice versa. There were so many danger signs. I didn't want to face reality and so I ignore my intuition till I couldn't anymore. My dream came to an end. It turned into a nightmare. He claimed he did nothing wrong. Claiming that he was right. After all he was just helping out a friend. I wanted him to look only at me but I guess that was not possible. I wanted it so much to be true that he could only look at me but he couldn't. I naively believed that he could and would change for me. I had to find out the hard way. By plummeting down to earth with no one to catch me. He was no longer there for me. He completely shattered my heart then stomped on the million pieces it had become. To this day, I do not know what I did wrong. I never knew the answer of why he did it. I guess I'll never know why it all happened as well as what I did wrong or whether or nt it was my fault.
Difficult as it is, only now is my heart whole again but I'm not ready to have it shattered again. It's ridiculous, when we look at others going through such a situation we say how hard could it be to let go, but little do we know that letting go is the hardest part of a break up. The point of me being a hopeless romantic? Well, I know I went off topic. Heheh but my point being I'm hopeless when it comes to romantic gestures even if it's in the movie. I cry at every little thing. And yes, before you ask, the short description above describes my first love which I couldn't forget and get over until recently. That was really romantic of me and also the hardest for me to get over. I miss you. I miss the times we spent together laughing in each other's presence enjoying the fact that we were together for yet another moment but that has all come to an end the moment you had another choice besides me. There isn't, cannot be another choice. There should only be me. If there isn't then well I guess it's time for me to go my own way. :') Our songs, everytime I listen it reminds me of us and makes me reminiscence and wonder what would and could have been. Sadly even for a hopeless romantic who wishes that one day her one true love would appear and that her love story could be like a fairy tale, has to go through heart break which takes a long time to heal and recover. However, there will always be scars left behind which will fade with time but never forgotten.
I dream that one day my other half will find me and walk through life with me hand in hand. I will wait for that time. Now I'll just deal with the loneliness that strikes and stirs up from time to time. The one that will treat me right and love a hopeless romantic and all other aspects of my personality for who I am. For now my other half is just a mere dream. Also some find love letters, flowers, and a few others corny. :/ but I however, find them extremely romantic. Haha :P The 'Love Game', they call it.. You have to dare to take the risk and leap of faith to play this game. I believe that my heart will be up for another chance to play at the game if the chance comes around. For now a break it is from that game. :)
Anyways it's really early now.. I should get some shut eye.. I'm a hopeless romantic with dreams. ^.^
-the hopeless romantic with dreams-
