Upside Down

Hey Hey! Don't you think that a lot of things in the world today is all upside down. In my opinion I do think that many things or practices in today's world are indeed upside down. I feel that because we are in such a hurry to get to the next destination that we no longer take the time to sit back, feel and enjoy the feeling of that moment. Instead we are so focused on the future that the we have the tendency to overlook all those minor details that makes the moment special. In the end we just forget to live in the moment and just hurry on into the future. Then, the feelings of satisfaction, accomplishment, and happiness would disappear. In the beginning it would be there, but eventually it would just slowly disappear and you would then be insatiable. You'd be driven by the same force that drove you to succeed, to look for something that can fill up that empty hole. Then, awhile later you'd be wondering what is missing from your life. It's as if in the time you took to chase the goals you had, you had lost a piece of yourself and had forgotten how to live in the moment. Now there's a gaping hole and you're looking to fill it but you just don't know what to do that would fill it. It's as mysterious and elusive as the wind. It's sad to see how some people in the pursuit of happiness and success, lose sight of the little little things that can bring joy in our daily lives. Even in the game of love, everything is done upside down.

Hahaha. Most young ones now have understood the term dating wrongly. To say that they're dating is that the individual is single but available. In today's world, most people regard the word dating in the total opposite as to what it really is. The majority would say that they are dating someone when they are in a relationship. But why? Shouldn't you get to know a person before you start a relationship with them. You could be going on dates with different people instead of being tied down and after a period of time finding that it doesn't work and that well you're bored of this. There is another person catching your eye. I feel that we should revert to the times where we actually take one step at a time and go on several dates with a single person before deciding that it is good to build a relationship with them. I see no point in starting a relationship when you haven't even gotten to know the person. What happened to those times where the guy genuinely woos a girl? and a girl doesn't play mind games with the opposition and instead we just try to get to know the other party better while not being exclusive yet? Just because you have a crush on the person, and you're not in a relationship with the other party means you can't go on dates with that person. What the hell, just go ahead take all the time in the world you need to get to know that person. And always remember that your young and there will be more opportunities that will come knocking. :) Dating is just part of the love game, and it is a game that all of us get involved in one way or another. Sigh. I wish I could make sense of what I'm saying to even myself now. Sadly my mind is also extremely jumbled up. 

The reason behind this jumbled up post I titled 'Upside Down' is because it truly seems like the world and how everyone seems to take this 'love game' is seriously messed up. There are some that believes that there are a set of rules to follow but then again on some occasions it seems that all bets are off and no rules apply. I thought of just writing this down and seeing if it will make more sense to me. I guess it helped a little. There might be somethings that I mentioned above that might contradict each other, but then again it's just my confused self talking. Recently also, I have a couple of friends that seem to be going through a hard time and that made me really confused as they did things that I would never have thought to do and at the same time my principles have been broken, then again they're my friends so I don't want to be judgmental and just be there for them. However, I'm finding that a little hard to do as my brain and heart are telling me 2 totally different things. Oh wells, I'll just deal with it as it comes. :/ I'm going to end it here before I become more jumbled up. It's too messy in my mind now for any of this to make sense but I think I do get the gist of it now. :P 

-a confused kid-

So much Wasted Effort...

Well, to start off. Harloo! I haven't been blogging in ages. >.< I feel bad for neglecting my blog but anyways. Some people in life that you meet are just meant to bring trouble for you and just create havoc. Even though annoying, but there are still life lessons that can be learnt from these sort of people. First would be figuring and learning the traits of these characters. Secondly, through their mistakes we can always learn what to do and not to do without having to go through the experience ourselves. Thirdly, you would think that they would have had more common sense to not do stupid things like that and find the entire time you've been with that person extremely exhausting and annoying. Finally, you'd just not even bother about them, I find it such a waste of time even with all the lessons I can learn from them.

I believe in the fact that although there are lots of people that you think did not benefit you by walking into your life, those that cross paths with you are meant to for a reason. One of the few phrases that I picked up in life is "Everything Happens For A Reason", be it good or bad. Every individual that comes into my life has definitely taught me something  before leaving no matter how significant or insignificant the lesson, it is still something right? Whether or not they continue to walk with you in life is a different matter altogether but it is also closely intertwined here. In a general sense, I would like to have everyone that came into my life to walk together towards our future but that is never the case, yes for some of them we do keep in touch and that helps us walk together hand in hand down the path. For others it may be that we happen to be walking in the same direction and so we will be side by side, encouraging and helping each other for most of the time we're together. However, there's this one more type of person that is extremely annoying. The kind that just comes into your life pretends to be your friend and then leeches off you for whatever purpose. I call this last category, the leeches! These people usually approach you with a hidden agenda which to me is totally intolerable. Here I am genuinely treating you like my friend, truly caring and what do I get? Stabbed in the back? Fed lies? As if I'm some kid that didn't know what's going on? Getting taken advantage of? Oh wow I never signed up for this but then again in life you don't get to sign up for only the nice things. Eventually, life would throw a curve ball in your direction and when this happens you either fall when it hits you or you manage to divert this curve ball elsewhere. It's when you overcome trials like this that you can say that there is growth. However, dealing with things like these are exhausting both mentally and physically, and at the end of the day you'd probably think that I've wasted so much of my precious time on this. Like WTH?! I should've just ignored you. That would've made things so much easier, but then there wouldn't be growth. Give it a few months, perhaps then you would see the subtle changes in yourself.

In my opinion, I wouldn't call this a waste of time instead I'd call it a waste of effort. Just recently I've had a few falling outs which, well if I didn't say it hurt then that would be a lie, yes it hurt like hell. I always hated the feeling of being lied to or betrayal. However, there's no sure foolproof way to evade that. I found out then that it doesn't matter how bad it hurts but it matters whether or not you can find the courage to stand up and go on with life. I allow myself to weep in the beginning it would be for the friend I lost, and then it would be for my stupidity for completely trusting this person without questioning and then finally I'd tell myself that that person was so not worth your tears, save them for someone who deserves it. When I am able to accept that fact then I can confidently say that I have overcome that obstacle. However, sometimes crying or just spilling the beans to a confidante is really helpful. It helps release the pent up emotions in your chest and speeds up the healing process as well. Sometimes falling outs that have occurred is not completely one person's fault but then again there are those rare times where it is completely the other party's fault. Recently, I've had my fair share of falling outs, both in this year and the last. It's never nice to have a falling out but then some can be patched up and some just can't. I'm writing about this because I believe that this is my closure to all those horrid event's and that this year would be a better one for me. As I've said in a post before, it's always sad to see anyone go but sometimes it is inevitable, you just have to else this individual may just resemble a tutor which you'd have to get rid of but it's so difficult to actually sever all ties with another human being. I do still cherish the times I've had with them but then those will be preserved as memories and nothing more, because that person may have left you or hurt you in someway, or it's simply just as simple as them changing suddenly for the worse. It's a really hard task trying not to judge. However, there is another idiom I picked up is "Actions Speak Louder Than Words". Yeah I'll try my best to not judge but when you repeatedly do the same action continuously although I've tried to warn you, then what's the point, I cannot help but judge at that point. It's ridiculous, if I refuse to believe what's right in front of my eyes, then you might as well call me stupid.

Now as I think back on what has happened, I believe the one lesson I've learned would be to not trust others easily. Heck if it's possible to not trust till that person has gained your trust then all the better. Sadly in my case I'm just too trusting towards others. Come to think of it, I've always had trouble learning this lesson. I think I have learnt it after the last incident and then when the next one happens I find out that I have learned nothing at all. I know that I am too trusting, but then once you have broken my trust, there's gonna be hell to pay, apart from that well let's just say there will also be a blow to your reputation and that even if you'd want me to trust you again, I seriously doubt that I would trust you beyond a mere 40%? Like hello.. What's the point of trusting someone that has broken your trust before.. 

I feel really offended when I've found out if a friend of mine has lied to me. Like do you think I'm that untrustworthy or am I that stupid to believe that lie? I may have pretended to believe it but then again if this continues I would just pull out and cut off all ties with you. This is because if you intend to be my friend with a hidden agenda then it would put unnecessary strain on the friendship and then we might as well end it and be happy instead of putting ourselves through the stress of it. 

It is extremely rare that I would actually be able to completely trust that person again after a huge lie. There would always be a nagging doubt that whatever you told me might be just another lie. The idiom I believe here would be "Trust is like a Paper, once it is crumpled, it can never be PERFECT again." Sigh.. So in all the walls I've come up against, I feel that some of it was totally not worth my effort.  I may have learnt a valuable lesson but I feel that all of the effort I've put in have gone to waste as I've gotten a rotten fruit. Sigh.. 

On a better note, I have also made true friends for which I'm totally grateful for. True friends are people where you can be your true self in front of them and not worry about what they would think of you. I now believe it is true when people say that you meet your true friends in high school. In college there are multiple layers of filtering to do before you can get to properly know someone. Oh well, with all that has been going on, I'm glad of my growth in the past year. I'm still the same happy go lucky kid that takes life at the reins. 

That would be all for now. TTFN! I shall leave you with a photo of Tanner Patrick. Kyaaaa! He's so handsome! >.< 

-a frustrated kid-