Almost(s)

There will be many more 'almosts' yet to come in the future. But why does this one hurt more than the rest. I guess I let him in when I shouldn't have. I should've remained indifferent, distant and just stayed friends.

It's difficult to get it right, love is an elusive thing yet it is present in our everyday lives and in every little moment that passes us by. Maybe he seemed like the right fit for me but we met at the wrong time. I'll admit I was adrift for so long that it was really nice to have an anchor. He may have been the right person but I guess I'll never know. I call this an 'almost' because of the possibility that I saw and still see. However, he isn't ready and there's nothing I could do to help him get to where I want him to be. No one can make someone ready when they're not. It was naive of me to think that I would be enough to change a person. It was hopeful thinking that got me this far. Wishes and hopes all dashed because I am too weary and tired from fighting a battle I don't seem to be able to win. The odds aren't in my favour. I gave him everything I could give and as it still doesn't seem to work out, I guess it's time to let go.

This actually feels like a breakup although the relationship never even began. The healing process is the same. I will most definitely be fine given some time. Then I'll be able to genuinely smile at you again.  For now everytime I look at you, I hear my heart shattering into a million pieces, and my eyes tear up. However, one day I will be able to look back to this day and fondly remember all the sweet memories you have given me without wanting to curl up into a ball and cry my heart out till I'm too exhausted to do anything but sleep. That day will come, when I'll be able to thank you for the lessons and memories. It is when that day arrives, I'll be able to be your friend again but give me some time and believe in who I am that I'll eventually be fine.

I've chased after you all this time hoping to catch up someday or that you'd wait for me to catch up. By letting go, I believe it'll allow us to be friends once more and if we're meant to be then fate will bring us together again some day.